Rich's Story

--You know how in this country, say at a bar or party, people would come up to you and ask, "what do you do?" I always said, "I kill things." "Need anything killed?" And then they'd kinda just look at me and walk away. Before you get too excited, let me tell ya, I was an exterminator. Seriously. One of my biggest clients was the zoo and their biggest problem?--not fleas, not spiders. Those were nothing. NOTHING, I tell ya. Nothing compared to the rats. What's worse was we weren't allowed to use any poison. None of that shit. Well, you know, with all the animals there. It was the zoo, of course. But I had my ways...
--Glue traps? I asked.
--Oh no, no. That is just inhumane! I-N-humane! Have you ever seen a rat without any forelegs? Mother-fucking things have been known to chew off their paws or even legs trying to free themselves from those nasty things. Wouldn't do that.
--Eeeewwww!
--Ya. If you ever had to deal with a stuck rat, just step on it. Step on it. Best thing you could do. There was this one time, and nobody knows this, I sneaked into the elephant barn at the zoo. I was up in the attic with my pellet gun--have you been inside one of those? Effing huge. HUGE! This big stinky barn. I watched and waited for the li'l critters. I just sat there in the dark and waited. Prob'ly knocked off about thirty or forty of 'em rodents. Didn't matter anyway. They just keep coming back. Well, you know, rats.
He shrugged his shoulders.