Cigarettes

I smoked a cigarette the other day. Each puff, a memory.

The first long inhale and I'm back 25 years. At age 15, hiding in the closet. Me, my friend France, and a pack of mom's Salem menthols. That first guilty puff. Madonna crooning in the background... "borderline ... feels like I'm going to lose my mind." And so we did. We were, after all, 15 and knew everything. In the States on vacation, I gave up the Salems and bought into Virginia Slims' 'you've come a long way baby'. We discovered boys that summer. And their cars. Specifically, Steve Smith. And car. Drag races at midnight along Ortigas Avenue, bar hopping in Makati (or Greenhills)--the days of Jalisco and Tia Maria. Zombies (the drink, not the boys), the rain, shoulder pads and tired old cliches that were still new to us. Smoking cigarettes--among other things--listening to Hall & Oates blaring, "(Oh-oh, here she comes) She's a man eater/I wouldn't if I were you/I know what she can do/She's deadly man, she could really rip your world apart"; or the Culture Club pontificating: "Karma karma karma karma karma chameleon/You come and go/You come and go". Then life and John Hughes happened. The Breakfast Club. I ended up in detention with Toby for sneaking into the ladies' room. To sneak a stick of Winstons. But that was before Dodgie got kicked out for pot. "Don't you (forget about me)". And long before I started following Mark Roberts around like the lovesick-starstruck schoolgirl that I was. Writing silly poetry. Until the bull came to school and followed Ms. Austen around like a--well--a lovesick-starstruck schoolgirl. Ms. Austen wore red a lot. She also smoked a lot. So did Mr. Mattox, come to think of it. He chain-smoked all the way to China, so didn't mind too much when I chain-smoked right next to him on the flight. New Year's Eve in China is dead. They celebrate it on a different date, of all the silly notions!!! And oooh--that China trip!--Angela got on my nerves with the whining. I smoked through my carton of Marlboros. That voice grated on me! Meanwhile, the Bangles were playing, "Ay oh whey oh, ay oh whey oh/Walk like an Egyptian". Which we all did of course. That is, until Madonna reinvented herself for the first time--Who's That Girl. And we all looked in the mirror and wondered the same about ourselves. "Quien es esa niña"?

Sigh. Why did I stop smoking?